|Confirmation of my brother's wrongdoing
||[Nov. 13th, 2008|08:09 pm]
This is highly unusual, and probably a first for a LiveJournal entry, but I'd like to hear opinions on what my brother did and my mother did.
In a phone call just now I've just had it confirmed that back in the years 2001, 2002 & 2003 when my brother was sharing my apartment, my mother told him he "did not need to pay rent for the days he wasn't staying at that apartment."
It was an agreement when he moved in that we would divide the expenses half each, rent, electricity and that for the phone he would pay half the line rental as well as the calls he made. He had an entire room all to himself, which he filled with his belongings and even that wasn't enough for him - he littered the dining room table with his books and other junk (even refusing to move them when there were inspections by the landlord's agent). He was living here, and working full time in the city, taking only occasional days away when he was on leave from work. He came and went as he pleased, sometimes arriving around midnight, including days that he had previously said he would not be present yet changed his mind without warning.
Now I wish LiveJournal had a poll feature like the forums because this is the question I wish to pose:
Was my brother stealing from me when he refused to pay the rent for days that he was absent from the apartment? Yes/No?
If your mother told him he didn't need to pay for the days he wasn't there, then your mother must have intended to pick up the slack. If your mother has the lease on the apartment, she can make any arrangement she likes, but if you have the lease, any arrangements over the rent have to be made with you.
The lease was in my name, and it's probably what got it into my mother's head that I should have to pay my brother's rent when he wasn't around.
Don't know if you can get away with it, but you could tell Mom, OK, you made the arrangement, without telling me, so you're on the hook for the days he hasn't paid for. Next time, don't give away my money without asking me first.
If he didn't keep his end of the deal, it's theft.
And even if it wasn't theft, it's inconsiderate, slovenly, selfish, and immature.
Four words that very much describe my brother.
Some clarification I should have included in the initial post. When my brother tried to pull this stunt on me I refused to tolerate it.
He immediately found a way around that by claiming to have already paid when I asked him for the rent. I kept track of his payments on a printed excel worksheet on the refridgerator, so it was very easy for me to note when he had & hadn't paid. Most of the time though he pretended that sheet of paper didn't exist.
Another of his tricks was to pay a small amount in advance when he went on leave, and then when returning he always said "I'm sure I paid more than that." - Every... single... time...!
Should've had him sign receipts.
It sounds illegal to me, but since the lease was in your name alone, it would be very hard to prove should you take him to court. Sleepy has a good idea to have your mother pay his debts, but from what you tell me, it would be harder to get the money out of her than out of him!
Oh if only I'd thought of that, because it's *EXACTLY* what I should have done!
It's very sad when relations between family members should come to such a thing, but that's most certainly what I should have done.
Getting money out of either of them is like getting blood out of a stone, however I've been able to shame them in the past, which is what I'm hoping to do if I have the courage to show either of them this LJ thread. It's hopeless at the moment because they're both adamant that they are in the right.
The problem is ingrained in the favouritism that exists in my parents, something dangerous in ANY family. As an example nearly all of you would be familiar with, the parents in the Grrsn family evidently favour the older children (there might possibly be gender bias as well). My own parents have a complex favouritism toward the younger children (though there was such a gap between my younger and my youngest sister that she was somewhat left by the wayside too.) Though it's never been spoken, my parents exhibit a belief that the older child will be dominant and assertive, and therefore the younger children need to be given advantages over this.
This attitude is almost an instinct in them, and as such it's impossible to get through to either of my parents that these *ARE* unfair advantages.
That's why my father was forking out money for my sister's horse riding sessions while I was short of basic necessities like clothing and school stationery. As bad as my brother is, my sister is worse still.
What's truly absurd though is that exactly the same occurred in their *OWN* childhoods. Both my parents are first borns, but were lorded over by aggressive younger sisters. Try and explain how they've lived through this only to repeat the error themselves.
Two generations of the same mistake. It's like a Charles Dickens novel...